Grief

On Monday, August 10, we found out Phillip is probably losing his new kidney. Just typing that sentence fills me with a grief and anxiety I can’t even begin to describe. It’s been a very long past six months. It’s had the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, and all the freaking in-betweens. It’s been…kind of crazy. Exhausting. Exhilarating. A roller coaster ride. For the past few weeks we’ve had a bad feeling. Part of that was because his creatinine was higher than it should have been, but he was also getting nauseated and feeling fatigued much more …

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One Year Ago Today

Cross-posted from aubreygross.com One year ago today, our lives were changed forever. My husband called me from work and asked me to pick him up early because he’d been throwing up. Again. Puking was becoming far too “normal” to us at this point, since it had been going on steadily for seven months at least. So I picked him up, and on the way home I told him we were either going to an urgent care clinic or the hospital–his call. We came home and let the dogs out before re-crating them, not knowing how long this would take. Ultimately, …

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The Body Enemy

I’ve long viewed my body as “the enemy.” It started as a child, to be fair, when I was basically told that the things that were happening to me were my fault. I’d never asked for those things to happen, but since they were happening to my body, childish logic deducts that it’s the body’s fault. The body is the enemy. I’ve written before that that’s when my struggle with food, disordered eating and weight began. It was both a survival mechanism, a stress response and a coping mechanism. And there is nothing wrong with that. Nothing. I was a …

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It’s Been a While…

I don’t know why, but it still never fails to amaze me how quickly things can change, especially when it comes to my emotions, attitude and general outlook on life. Early last month I was not in a good head space. It was nasty and messy, but it was something I just had to work through. As is the case with  me, a big part of working through it was getting all of that stuff off my chest. I really was unhappy with myself, but the real root of the anger wasn’t with my body, but with decisions I’d made. …

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On Disordered Eating

I’ve been fairly open for years now about the fact that I developed a binge eating disorder as a kid, and that I’ve battled since I was probably around six years old. While I was doing Medifast, I realized I also had a food addiction, and I seriously thought that Medifast was “curing” me of the food addiction, kind of like how if you take alcohol away from an alcoholic, they detox and can resist the alcohol in the future. Yeah, I was wrong. So first, let’s back up here. What exactly IS a binge eating disorder? According to the …

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Stress and Food Addiction

Prior to starting Medifast a year ago I knew I was a stress eater. Hell, I’ve known that for YEARS. It started when I was a kid, when I would eat as a way to shovel down my emotions, and with the weird hope that maybe if I got fat bad things would stop happening to me. Unfortunately, bad things did not stop happening to me–I continued to be a victim of sexual abuse, until the time I left for college. By that point, though, the damage had been done. I was 18 and having to shop at Lane Bryant …

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