Ups and Downs

2013 was a bit of an odd year for me, seemed to be full of ups and downs. I mean, seriously, it was like one step forward, two steps back, three steps forward, half a step back. Up and down and back and forth. Some highlights (not necessarily in chronological order): Reached my lowest weight ever (but did so by starving myself and developing extremely disordered eating and generally feeling like shit) Phillip and I bought our little 100-acre ranch I got fired from a job I truly enjoyed. The way things were handled were a major trigger for me, …

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It’s Been a While…

I don’t know why, but it still never fails to amaze me how quickly things can change, especially when it comes to my emotions, attitude and general outlook on life. Early last month I was not in a good head space. It was nasty and messy, but it was something I just had to work through. As is the case with  me, a big part of working through it was getting all of that stuff off my chest. I really was unhappy with myself, but the real root of the anger wasn’t with my body, but with decisions I’d made. …

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Looking at the Bright Side

So after yesterday’s post chock full of body self-hate, that body I’d been hatin’ on decided to remind me that every now and then it does stuff right. I got my first period in three months. I know, I know, that might be TMI for some folks. Whatever. My personal blog, and my reproductive health is just as important as my physical health and mental health. I’ve mentioned before that the pill my OBGYN switched me to in July had some crazy side effects. Sure, there was the rapid weight gain (which I honestly think was a lot of different …

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Things I Hate

We’ve all seen the Facebook Meme for the month of November–Things I’m Thankful For–during which people list a different thing they’re thankful for every day of the month. I don’t remember if this started last year, the year before, or the year before that or whenever, but quite frankly, right now I’m more in a “things that irritate me” or “things that piss me off” or “things I’m sick and tired of seeing and hearing” mindset. Maybe that’s wrong of me, but it is what it is. Are there things I’m thankful for? Absolutely. But I try to express that …

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Hitting the Reset Button

First, sorry for the silence over the past month. Truth be told, I’ve been incredibly busy, and I’ve felt guilty about even thinking about blogging when I needed to be looking for jobs. The good news: I got a job, and I start next Monday. It’s a four-month contract gig, with the possibility of going permanent. I fully plan on winning them over and convincing them that I need to be a permanent member of the team. So now, I can blog. When I have time. With deer season starting in just a few weeks, I’m not sure when/if I’ll …

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On Disordered Eating

I’ve been fairly open for years now about the fact that I developed a binge eating disorder as a kid, and that I’ve battled since I was probably around six years old. While I was doing Medifast, I realized I also had a food addiction, and I seriously thought that Medifast was “curing” me of the food addiction, kind of like how if you take alcohol away from an alcoholic, they detox and can resist the alcohol in the future. Yeah, I was wrong. So first, let’s back up here. What exactly IS a binge eating disorder? According to the …

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Stress and Food Addiction

Prior to starting Medifast a year ago I knew I was a stress eater. Hell, I’ve known that for YEARS. It started when I was a kid, when I would eat as a way to shovel down my emotions, and with the weird hope that maybe if I got fat bad things would stop happening to me. Unfortunately, bad things did not stop happening to me–I continued to be a victim of sexual abuse, until the time I left for college. By that point, though, the damage had been done. I was 18 and having to shop at Lane Bryant …

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A Girl’s Guide to Hunting

I have a confession to make: I’ve never hunted before. Sure, I grew up camping and fishing, but the only living thing I’ve ever shot was a snapping turtle. With a pellet gun. Hunting just wasn’t something I grew up around, for a myriad of reasons. I guess partially because of that, my thoughts on hunting were along the lines of, “But I could never shoot Bambi!” And honestly, if you’d told me even a few years ago that I would own my very own shotgun and rifle, I would have thought you were crazy. Well, to be fair, I’ve …

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